On hold

I know it's the holiday's and were supposed to be happy and all, and I guess I'm getting there lol but I'm usually the last one on the holiday bus so I'm getting there! But for me it's been a little rough lately, and believe me I'm not writing this in hopes of sympathy or pity but I'm writing it because I don't know where else to turn. I feel like this is my only outlet if you will, but do you ever feel like there's no one to talk to? Like you feel so isolated in the world that no one can hear you or even if they could they wouldn't understand?  Now don't get me wrong I know there are so many people out there I could talk to but for some reason I don't want them to have to take on that burden. I know they say that God never gives you more than you can handle and I truly believe that I can handle this situation but no matter how strong I try and be there are times when I just want to cry. I would love to have that special girl in my life that I could treat like the most important thing in the world and I would love to get on a bike again and I would love more than anything to pass around a soccer ball but everyday I wake up, and while I thank God for every single thing he's blessed me with, no matter what reality finds a way to remind me everything I'm missing out on; do you know what I'd give to have just one more chance to play a game of soccer? I'd give up everything, literally everything. I'd love to go out and have an amazing time with friends and not have to rely on parents to help me when I get back in, I'd love to be able to go watch a soccer game again and not get so mad at life that I begin to forget everything I have to be thankful for. I'd love, if only for a day, to feel remember what it feels like to walk into the shower. I know I am so blessed for opportunity's I've been given but it really frustrates me in a way when people say I'm an inspiration because to me, those soldiers fighting over in the Middle East are inspirations or that young child with cancer all throughout their bodies but they still manage to put on a smile that's an inspiration. See life shouldn't be measured but what we do but by how we do it. I sat outside and I was looking at the sunset and I was so thankful that God kept me around to see that sunset. It's amazing how life turns out and none of us know what tomorrow will bring but that is the beauty of life. So life is really about living and if we don't live we will never know what might have been but I can't help but wonder how my life might have turned out had I not been in that accident but the thing I do know is that God kept me here for a reason and it might take me a lifetime to figure out that reason but I hope before it's all over I get the chance to find out.

Tonight I'll end with a quote that I think speaks pretty true about life and perseverance,

“Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.”

Goodnight world